I have so many damn emotions that are mixed up right now, I can’t distinguish them from one another. And I don’t even really know what to say, but I know I need to get it off my chest - whatever “it” is. After watching my brother graduate from college, I can’t help but feel so lost and hopeless. I have no sense of direction - I don’t know what the hell I want to do with the rest of my life, and I feel like I’ll never get to that end point, where I figure it out. I wish I could fast forward through these years and see what it’ll be like when I’m 30, with a job and a family, but truthfully I don’t see a future for myself - I never have. And that’s so damn scary.

I feel invisible. I feel like no one cares about me, not any of my “friends” I once had in high school. The number of people that didn’t wish me a happy birthday, something SO incredibly simple, is truly astounding; and I’m not talking about random people on facebook, I’m talking about people who I once was close with, people that I thought gave a damn. 

But then again, why should they care if I don’t? I don’t care about anything anymore. I feel like my relationship is falling apart, and honestly sometimes I just don’t give a fuck. Let it fall apart. Let all of my friendships fade away. I’ll be alone - sad, and alone, like I am anyway.

It’s much harder to fake a happy facade, anyway.